Friday, July 6, 2007

Other Uses For Duct Tape...

As I sat lookin' at this middle aged face of mine, I thought "Gee, I bet I could strategically place duct tape around my hairline to give me that permanent "surprised" look so many of the famous maturin' Hollywood gals are doin' these days." Seems they use the same plastic surgeon though. They all end up lookin' like Madame.

The heck with control top Lycra wears, why not use camouflage duct tape for my middle section? Not only would it keep my stomach flat, you wouldn't be able to see it anymore.

If I could find duct tape in gold, I'd make myself a set of those stunnin' arm cuffs like Cleopatra wore. They would be attractive yet keep the flab under my arms from swayin' in the wind.

No need for a bra, I'd just make the letter "W" underneath 'em and I'm good to go. The same goes for my back end too.

Ya know as much as I complain about these tired old bones, I'm happy with them. They have taken me through life's journey, both good and bad. Besides, I'd much rather keep all these wrinkles on my face than look like I got shot out of a cannon doin' 100 mph.

But just in case, I'm off to the Home Depot for some duct tape...


Dogpatch said...

oh're so funny! Honestly, I had a similar conversation w/ my mom and sis on the 4th of July! I was mentioning how it seems my nose is stuffy ALL of the time, yet, when I take my fingers and gently lift up my cheeks ever so slightly...I CAN BREATH, just like I could when I was YOUNGER!! I know that they make those breath strips for snorers, but really....some duct tape would come in handy, as I have come to the conclusion that gravity takes it's toll on EVEN the inside of our nostrils!
Oh to be young again, when breathing through my nose was taken for granted!

Thanks for the chuckle!


Blondie ~ Vintage Primitives said...

you are cracking me up!
I would most certainly look like Madame is I used duct tape!
You're far too hard on yourself, kiddo!

Michelle said...

I have seen your picture and you are beautiful!!! I didn't see any need for duct tape my darlin!!!

Getting Old does stink!!! The highlight of my weekend was getting carded at the Liquor store this past weekend!!! Yahhhhoooooo!!!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...