Sunday, June 1, 2008

Yep, I'm Still Alive...

Man, I have done nothin' all weekend but mope round blowin' my nose, coughin' and not bein' able to breathe because of the congestion.

I've had to sleep upright like the Elephant Man and I now sound like James Earl Jones. "Luke, I am your father." My nose is so red and chapped, I have a strikin' resemblance to Lisa Loopner from the old SNL skits.

As I laid around it brought me back to when I was a young'un and all the crazy remedies mama used on us. I guess what didn't kill us made us stronger. :> ) Besides, mama only did what she thought was right.

I remember the first sign of a sniffle, out came the Vicks VapoRub. I swear she greased me up like a squeaky wheel. Nose, throat, chest. It was everywhere. Heck, I think she swabbed my tongue with that stuff once. The worst part was how it made my pajama top stick to me.

Then there was the "famous" mustard plaster. I'm all for holistic medicine but this did nothin' but smell bad and give me second degree burns.

The salt water gargle worked until I accidently swallowed some. It was like swimmin' in the Atlantic Ocean minus the sand in my bathin' suit drawers.

Remember Vicks Formula 44? (Before they lowered the alcohol ratio) She could have handed me a shot of whiskey instead and it would have had the same effect. Man, I wouldn't wake up for hours after a dose of that stuff.

If all else failed there was the ol' enema. Nothin' like gettin' your pipes cleaned out when ya have sore throat. I guess it did take my mind off my sore throat.

I asked hubs what his mama did for him and her cure all was to take an aspirin. Heck, I would have taken an aspirin over an enema any day. I still would.

But the best remedy was from my daddy. When I was sick, he would bring me home a hamburger, small fries and a chocolate milkshake from McDonalds. Of course this was well before the whole Happy Meal thing. But it made me happy just the same.

The other day hubs asked me if I wanted "the usual" from McDonalds... :> )


Cookie said...

hahaha... you took me back on the reminiscing trail buddy with "The worst part was how it made my pajama top stick to me" oh geez, I remember that too! And my dad used cow salve as a cure all for anything on the outside...

I would love to go back for just one day - wouldnt that be grand? !!

Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

Honestly woman, you make me laugh everytime I read your know if this crafting thing doesn't work out, you should go on last comic standing...cause you are totally hilarious!!! and I mean that.. My mom would rub the vicks on and make me wear a bandana around my neck to keep the heat in...I still use it when I need it minus the bandana...Moms always know how to make you feel your case I would think it was your care and have a FAB-U-LOUS!!! week.
Gina :)

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