Wednesday, April 1, 2009

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...

I love old books. But I am not a reader.
I know... It makes no sense to me either.

One of my favorites is "The Compendium Of Cookery and Reliable Recipes" book published in 1890.

Man, how I wish I had the other book mentioned above, "The Book Of Knowledge, or 1,000 Ways Of Getting Rich." I could be sittin' pretty right about now.
Hmmm... I wonder if Bernie Madoff has a copy?

This book has hundreds of recipes. Some are easy as "Eggs Upon Toast" while others like "Calf's Head Cheese" leaves much to be desired.
Which reminds me, I know what my nightmare will be about after I hit the hay tonight.

But the best part is towards the back of the book. The chapter reads "Miscellaneous." Here you'll find the wildest remedies like:

I reckon a whiff of ammonia would give ya a lil' giggle before you speedily and delightfully hit the floor. Your concussion will make you forget all about that toothache.

So if the lightnin' strike didn't do the trick, drown 'em in a shower of salt water. Better yet, toss 'em right in the ocean and call it a day.

Unless I'm chokin' on a nightcrawler; the only hook I want to see is in a fish's mouth, not mine.
I'll stick with the Heimlich Maneuver.

Geez, I didn't realize irons were so unhappy. Isn't there a pill for that now?

Just don't reach over the campfire for that last S'more.

Yep, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
:> )


Cat Nap Inn Primitives said...

holy crap batman..those are too funny and downright scary too..I love the one on how to restore someone from lightening or stroke...If they are showering for 2 hours..seems a bit long to make sure they could be getting brain damage etc...but hey lets continue for yet another hour and hope to heck that extra hour pulls em out of their coma or death...thanks for the laugh..but now I have a toothache and a hankering for a smore...:)

Susan said...

Oh gosh, these are so funny. Ram a hooked wire down someone's throat? There is no wonder they passed on early. Sheesh, how scary. Yikes.

Snugglebug Blessings said...

Good golly miss molly. God help us all! No, no, no hook is going down my throat. No way, no how!!! I think I'm gonna have nightmares right along with ya about the calf's head cheese. Ugh the thought of that makes me quiver! LOL! Thanks for sharing.



Cookie said...

umm... just let me conk out, ok?


Brenda said...

OMG! You made my spit up the java...this post needed a warning! LOL! You just couldn't make up this stuff...the drowning of the electrocuted was the best...LOL!

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