Countryfolk Keepsakes: Down On The (Funny) Farm...

One of my very dear customers sent me these. (She knows me so well!) Man, all are so daggum funny!

My two favorites are "A Number Two" and "No Dumping."
Bathroom humor always makes me giggle.

:> )

I didn't realize Bret Michaels had a pooch...

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I didn't realize 1980's Cher had a pooch...

I didn't realize Bill Nye the Science Guy had a pooch either...

Or Rick Springfield...

Or Shakira...

Or Katie Holmes...

Or Sharon Stone...

Or Rod Blagojevich...

Or Slash...

Or Helen Thomas...

Emo Philips...

Sonny and Cher...

Carrot Top...

Nancy Pelosi...

Or Buster Poindexter...

Alex Jones...

Whoopi Goldberg...

Henry Fonda...

Owen Wilson...

Billy Idol...

Steve Buscemi...

Andy Warhol...

John Kerry...

Jennifer Aniston...

Liz Taylor...

Buffy from Family Affair...

Christina Aguilera...

Marlo Thomas...

Quotes To Ponder...

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melody Beattie
"The first supermarket supposedly appeared on the American landscape in 1946. That is not very long ago. Until then, where was all the food? Dear folks, the food was in homes, gardens, local fields, and forests. It was near kitchens, near tables, near bedsides. It was in the pantry, the cellar, the backyard." ~Joel Salatin
"People see God every day, they just don't recognize Him." ~Pearl Bailey
"See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?" ~from the movie "Signs."
"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful." ~John Wooden
"Do not separate text from historical background. If you do, you will have perverted and subverted the Constitution, which can only end in a distorted, bastardized form of illegitimate government." ~James Madison
"All great change in America begins at the dinner table." ~Ronald Reagan
"Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing, and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you." ~ Max Lucado
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." ~Mother Teresa
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster, and what has happened once in 6000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution, for if the American Constitution should fail, there will be anarchy throughout the world." ~Daniel Webster
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money." ~Abigail Van Buren
"Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God." ~George Washington Carver
"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith." ~Henry Ward Beecher
"Guard against the postures of pretended patriotism." ~George Washington
"Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow." ~Unknown
"How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?" ~Paul Sweeney
"Our character is but the stamp on our souls of the free choices of good and evil we have made through life." ~John C. Geikie
"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." ~Howard Ruff, How to Prosper in the Coming Bad Years
"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." Francesca Reigler
"We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt." ~Thomas Jefferson
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." ~Meister Eckhart
"While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself." ~Doug Horton
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." ~Leslie Grimutter
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other." ~Erma Bombeck
"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." ~Edmund Burke
"Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are." ~Henry Van Dyke
"Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting." ~Author Unknown
"The best way you can cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up." ~Mark Twain
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be." ~Grandma Moses
"When I'm worried and I can't sleep I count my blessings instead of sheep. And I fall asleep, counting my blessings." ~Irving Berlin
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature." ~Anne Frank
"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." ~Henry van Dyke
"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast-you also miss the sense of where you're going and why." ~Eddie Cantor
"Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose." ~Author Unknown
"The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you." ~John E. Southard
"Don't wait for people to be friendly, show them how." ~Author Unknown
"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything --even poverty--you can survive it." ~Bill Cosby
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~EE Cummings
"Your life may be the only Bible some people read." ~Author Unknown
"Character is higher than intellect." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Yes, we did produce a near-perfect republic. But will they keep it? Or will they, in the enjoyment of plenty, lose the memory of freedom? Material abundance without character is the path of destruction." ~Thomas Jefferson
"Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; 'Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on; Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another's tears. Pass it on." ~Rev. Henry Burton
"No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted." ~Aesop
"Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life." ~Sandra Carey
"You always have a choice, even if it is only a choice of your attitude." ~Lucy MacDonald
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel." ~Author Unknown
"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." ~Author Unknown
"A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble." ~Charles H. Spurgeon
"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you?" ~William A. Ward
I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. ~Native American Indian Proverb
"I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains." ~Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." ~Winston Churchill
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~Robert Brault
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995
"There will be a tomorrow that exists without me. And I know that. When that day arrives, I want my life to have meant something. I want this world to be brighter. I want this world to be happier. I want people to have smiled more and to have laughed more because I've spent time here. And if I accomplish that, I will look down and I will smile." ~Mike Litman

:> )

Friday, February 13, 2009

Down On The (Funny) Farm...

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